I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize