i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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