Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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