O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize