It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize