You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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