I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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