I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize