32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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