So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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