how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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