My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize