Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize