Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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