I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize