I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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