take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
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