Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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