I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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