Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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