I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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