someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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