my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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