I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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