goodnight i made you a song goodbye
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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