There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize