this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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