I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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