The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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