Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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