i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize