The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize