when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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