i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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