so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize