He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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