Your face is a jimmy john
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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