don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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