the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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