i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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