I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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