So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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