his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize