OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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