you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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