The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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