Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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