Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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