and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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