I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize